There are times when words, feelings and actions do not flow as one would like. It is the first time that my words have faded away, and my senses have come alive.
Something change. I feel emotion, joy like I hadn’t experienced in a long time. Could it be that I got sick? OMG. For diseases and difficulties you are never prepared.
The autumn wind smells of cinnamon and the sunset is the most beautiful I have ever seen. Wait, what the fuck am I talking about! Have I fallen in love? So many loves in the past, three or four times with a broken heart, but always haughty, confident, without fear of criticism or comments.
Who would have imagined? A simple eye contact, my schedule has changed. I can’t imagine…I better keep quiet, because I don’t even want to mention it.
I want to understand the emotions that my body experiences, but I focus on understanding that my illusions have changed, my fears have dissipated, and my wounds have slowly healed. Sick, crazy, stupid, what do I know. I live one day at a time, before that predestined day arrives with date and time on the calendar.
I will try to explain it, but there are things that are like that, without explanation. Now I understand Neruda. “I don’t know why I love you, but I love you.”